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Please click for best clips from The Jeselnik Offensive and Kroll Show.

…and one of the worst films ever made is dissected at Devil Science Theater 3000: Robot Monster Edition
Tonight’s recommendations for the best in New York City comedy (in chronological order, with top picks noted and shows over $10 marked with $) include:
[TOP PICK] [FREE] 6:00 pm: This year’s Moth GrandSlam winner Tara Clancy is tonight’s guest co-host for this weekly open-mic storytelling show at UCB East, with each performer given a whopping eight minutes to captivate & impress, hosted by the wonderful John Flynn: Oh, Hey Guys!
[ALMOST FREE] 6:00 pm ($1): PIT musical improv troupe Adorable mixes with musical improv novices on-stage at the downstairs lounge for Pitch
[FREE] 6:00 pm: Open-mic stand-up with comics’ names drawn from a bucket and each chosen receiving two minutes—and if that goes well, maybe a hug (but not actual puppies)—at The Creek’s upstairs theatre in Queens’ Long Island City hosted by Ross Parsons & Trey Galyon: Free Puppies
6:00 pm (no cover, 1 drink min. for both comics and audience members): Open mic stand-up providing 5-7 minutes per comic, running 2 1/2 hours. Arrive 30 minutes before the show to get on the signup sheet. This is a fine opportunity to perform at the only comedy club in the East Village: Eastville Comedy Club Open Mic
[TOP PICK] 6:30 pm ($5): Giulia Rozzi (Jimmy Kimmel, MTV, VH1, Playgirl Magazine, co-host of Dive comedy and Stripped Stories) debuts a one-woman show about her marriage and divorce in Bad Bride; plus a show I nothing about, Gentlemen Thieves, also auditions for a spot on the schedule of the prestigious UCB Chelsea stage: Spank
[TOP PICK] 7:00 pm ($8): Four sharp improvisors, including Lauren Olson (powerhouse one-woman show Our Condolences at FringeNYC; brilliant writer, actress, and improvisor; improv troupe Chet Watkins, sketch troupe Risky Bottom), making stuff up at The PIT upstairs theatre: 4Some
7:00 pm ($5): Two singing improv troupes make up entire musicals on the spot in this double-bill at The PIT downstairs lounge: Punchbowl and THEM
[TOP PICK] [FREE] 7:00 pm: A one-man show by Joe LIst Joe List (HBO, Last Comic Standing, Comedy Central) that tells “a tale of love, heartbreak, heartbreak, feces, and herpes (in that order)” taking you through “New York City, Hollywood, Peru, and the doctor’s office” at The Creek’s upstairs theatre in Queens’ Long Island City: Joe List: There Will Be Pigs
[FREE] 7:00 pm: In this free Magnet show, audience members (signing in at 6:00) can join in with improv troupe Horses to make up scenes on the spot: Magnet Mixer
[TOP PICK] 7:30 pm ($5): Sasheer Zamata (highly charming, innovative rising star; Comedy Central’s Inside Amy Schumer, FX’s Totally Biased; host of UCBT’s School Night, member of red-hot improv troupe Doppelganger, sketch troupe The Prom, and Harold Night troupe Bucky), Emily Heller (Comedy Central, FX’s Totally Biased), Streeter Seidell (Editor-in-Chief of College Humor; Jimmy Kimmel, MTV’s Pranked), and Nate Fernald performing stand-up at UCB East hosted by Halle Kiefer and/or Dan Chamberlain: Splitsider and Tumblr’s Dog and Pony Show
[MEGA-TOP PICK] [$] 8:00 pm ($14 plus 2-item food/drink min.): Killer lineup of Colin Quinn (SNL, Comedy Central’s Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn, HBO, NBC, Broadway), Judah Friedlander (one of the quickest minds in comedy; 30 Rock, Meet the Parents, Along Came Polly, author of How to Beat Up Anybody), John Mulaney (one of the finest stand-ups in the country; writer/performer for Saturday Night Live; Conan O’Brien, Jimmy Fallon, Comedy Central Presents, one hour special & CD/DVD New in Town, VH1′s Best Week Ever; for John’s great bit on Weekend Update, please click here), Gregg Rogell (Conan O’Brien, Jay Leno, Louie, Comedy Central), Greer Barnes (David Letterman, Chappelle Show, For the Love of the Game), and Keith Robinson (HBO, Comedy Central, Wanda Sykes Show) performing stand-up at Comedy Cellar (117 MacDougal Street, between 3rd Street & Minetta Lane) hosted by William Stephenson: Colin Quinn, Judah Friedlander, John Mulaney, and More
[TOP PICK] [FREE] 8:00 pm: TV & Broadway stand-up star Colin Quinn performs bits from a show he’s developing for an off-Broadway run that looks at US history “from the Founding Fathers to the Kardashians” at Queens LIC’s The Creek upstairs theatre: Unconstitutional with Colin Quinn
[TOP PICK] 8:00 pm ($5): An LA-based sketch troupe visits NYC and performs for one night only on the UCB Chelsea stage: The Intecollectuals
[TOP PICK] [$] 8:00 pm ($15, no min.): Kurt Metzger (Jimmy Fallon, Comedy Central Presents, Ugly Americans) practices his upcoming one-hour stand-up special for Comedy Central, with the lovely Adrienne Iapalucci (Last Comic Standing, VH1) and Paul Virzi (FOX, Spike TV) as openers, at The Stand Comedy Club (239 Third Avenue & 20th Street): One Hour with Kurt Metzger
[TOP PICK] [$] 8:00 pm ($20): A former roommate & drinking buddy of such comedy giants as David Cross and Marc Maron performs a one-man show that was such a hit at August’s FringeNYC it’s been extended indefinitely. Please read my review by clicking here, and Jason Zinoman’s New York Times review by clicking here; and then come share an intimate hour with Matt Graham at the Soho Playhouse’s downstairs Huron Club so he can explain life and meaning and why This Too Shall Suck
8:00 pm-MIdnight ($7 for the entire evening): The Magnet house troupes The Boss, Junior Varsity, Horses, and Hello Laser performing improv for two hours, followed at 10:00 pm by The Kubler (long form improv that takes you through the five stages of grief, directed by Russ Armstrong), and then at 11:00 improv competition Inspirado (like UCBT’s Cage Match, but with a game-like challenge component) features The Wrath vs. Homewreckers: The Magnet’s Night Out
8:00 pm ($8): Ora Fruchter & Christopher Scheer put a hand-puppet through improvised therapy at The PIT upstairs theatre: Puppet Therapy
8:00 pm ($5): Two singing improv troupes, Hemlock (which includes stellar singer Megan Maes) and Dagger (which includes notable talents Ryan Dunkin and Jon Bander), make up entire musicals on the spot in this double-bill at The PIT downstairs lounge: Hemlock and Dagger
[TOP PICK] 9:00 pm ($5): Ted Travelstead (brilliant, hilarious writer/comic; Vanity Fair, author of The Petraeus Files and Sex: Our Bodies, Our Junk), Sabrina Jalees (Last Comic Standing, MTV’s Failosophy), Michelle Buteau (Last Comic Standing, Craig Ferguson, Comedy Central, VH1′s Best Week Ever, The Jenny McCarthy Show); for stand-up video about Utah, sharing, and tits, please click here), Chris Fairbanks (Last Comic Standing), Chris Laker (host of The Show at The Creek), and Nate Fernald (Team Submarine) performing stand-up at UCB East hosted by Adam Conover and/or Emily Heller: Fresh Out
[TOP PICK] [FREE] 9:00ish pm: Terrific NYC stand-ups (the lineup is typically announced around 3:00 pm; for an update, please click here) performing on this free weekly show at the Kabin Bar and Lounge hosted by Chesley Calloway and comedy genius Sean Patton: Comedy as a Second Language
[FREE] 9:00 pm: This weekly show features “a swarthy selection of fine stand-up comics and mildly entertaining recurring segments” at Queens LIC’s The Creek upstairs theatre, hosted by Jim Tews & Brendan Eyre: Chest Hair
[TOP PICK] 9:30 pm ($5): Improvisors make up one-act plays on the spot at The PIT downstairs lounge, produced by Dan Hodapp & Micah Sherman: The Scene
9:30 pm ($5): At this UCB Chelsea double-bill, first sketch troupe Boat performs 30 minutes of bits at Boat: Comedic Sketches, and then a one-act play about the Biblical end of the world written by & co-starring Kevin Hines and directed by Brandon Gulya: Apocalypse in Connecticut
9:30 pm ($10): Trieste Kelly Dunn (Cinemax’s Banshee), The Kondabolu Brothers, Mark Malkoff, and Josh Gondelman performing and sharing insider stories hosted by Scott R. for the last time at The PIT upstairs theatre (this weekly show is moving permanently to Brooklyn): Running Late with Scott Rogowsky
[TOP PICK] [$] 10:30 pm ($5 & 2-item food/drink min.) Comics heckle a genre feature film—with tonight’s victim a serious candidate for “Worst Movie of All TIme,” the jaw-dropping 1953 end-of-the-world disaster Robot Monster (for a trailer that will change your life, please click here) at Queens LIC’s Laughing Devil Comedy Club (4738 Vernon Blvd.): Devil Science Theater 3000
[TOP PICK] 11:00 pm ($5): Improv troupe Grandma’s Ashes appeared unstoppable—but last week it clashed with an improv legend, The Stepfathers, which triumphed 107-84. This comedy giant tonight faces what appears a very uneven battle against City Mouse—but you can never tell what will happen at UCB Chelsea when improvisors compete for your laughs and votes at the raucous Cage Match
[TOP PICK] 11:00 pm ($5): Mark Normand (hilarious stand-up; Conan O’Brien, Last Comic Standing, Comedy Central; co-host of Hot Soup and We’re All Friends Here), Janine Brito (FX’s Totally Biased), Adam Newman (Comedy Central, MTV, College Humor, comedy CD Not for Horses), Alex Edelman (BBC), and more performing stand-up and who knows what else at UCB East hosted by Jason Saenz: Undefined—A Variety Show
[FREE] 11:00 pm: NYC stand-ups (lineup not announced) performing at The Creek upstairs theatre in Queens’ Long Island City hosted by Justin Williams: Death Comedy Jam
[$] Midnight ($14 plus 2-item food/drink min.): Uncensored stand-up from Jon Fisch (David Letterman, Comedy Central, Last Comic Standing, VH1), Kurt Metzger (Jimmy Fallon, Comedy Central Presents, Ugly Americans), Sam Morril (Comedy Central), Mike Yard (Comedy Central, Def Comedy Jam), and Chris Distefano (Comedy Central, MTV2′s Guy Code) performing at Comedy Cellar (117 MacDougal Street, between 3rd Street & Minetta Lane) hosted by Jermaine Fowler (MTV’s Guy Code, Comedy Central, Adult Swim’s The Eric Andre Show): The Nasty Show: Jon Fisch, Kurt Metzger, Jermaine Fowler, and More
From legendary NYC comedy site Brooklyn Vegan: If you want to know what is happening in NYC comedy on a particular day, you gotta get hip to this dude Hy Bender and his site Best New York Comedy. The site is updated daily and features a super exhaustive look at what is happening in the NYC comedy world that particular day. The site is updated religiously…It is your daily comedy itinerary and it scares me how on top of his shit this guy is.
